How to Balance Work and Relationships: An Interview with Psychotherapist Milan Pavlicek

Psychotherapist Milan Pavlicek talks about why it is not necessary to have the same goals, but rather to understand the values behind them. He explains how to recognize that work is already interfering in a relationship, why income differences do not have to mean an imbalance of power, and how to talk about work stress in a way that does not bring tension at home. The interview brings a sensitive perspective on the fact that the balance between work and closeness is not given once and for all; it is a skill that we learn together. 

How can partners reconcile different career ambitions without damaging the relationship?

It’s not about having the same ambitions, but about a mutual recognition of different values. When one person wants peace, and the other wants performance, does it help to have a conversation about what those goals are – recognition, security, meaning? Teamwork instead of competition is also key. One person’s success doesn’t mean the other person’s failure, and one person’s ambition shouldn’t limit the other. 

How do we know in everyday life when work is starting to interfere with the quality of our partner´s life?

When more words are spoken about work than about the relationship, and closeness is lost, even when you’re together. 

"One earns more, the other maintains the family system; both contribute to the 'whole."

What do you recommend for couples where one partner earns significantly more than the other?

The income gap may not be a problem if it does not create a power gap. It helps to talk openly about how money symbolizes recognition or freedom, not just a means. 

Couples where money is discussed as a shared tool, not a status, tend to have fewer conflicts. One earns more, the other maintains the family system; both contribute to the "whole."

How to deal with feelings of jealousy when your partner is more successful in their career?

Jealousy often masks a sense of inadequacy. It helps to talk about what triggers the other person's success in us, rather than belittling it. 

How to communicate about excessive work stress correctly so that it doesn´t create tension at home?

Instead of venting without boundaries, choose conscious sharing: "I need to let off steam now" vs. "Come help me solve it". We know from practice that when partners clarify in advance what the other person needs in the conversation, whether they just want to be listened to and supported, or rather help find a solution, tension and defensive reactions can be reduced by half. 

How to set boundaries between work and personal life in a couple?

Specific rules work better than general intentions. For example, "no work emails after 8:00 PM" or "Sunday morning is always for family, no exceptions except in a real crisis". Research shows that the ability to "disconnect" from work improves not only health, but also partner satisfaction.

How to manage different life phases. For example, when one partner wants to develop a career, and the other wants to focus on family?

Communicate expectations well in advance and prepare for the "seasons"; not everything always has to be 50/50. Maybe now one partner is "pulling" the family, while the other is building a career, and in a year it will be the other way around. 

What to do when partners disagree on how much time to devote to work vs. family?

The disagreement is often based on a different relationship to security - for one, security in income, for the other, proximity. 

In therapy, it helps to map out needs; each person names what work or family gives them. Only then do you look at how the couple will deal with it, not before. And once they have mapped it out, don't agree abstractly ("You spend little time at home"), but specifically: "I need us to have at least two evenings just for ourselves."

How can couples therapy help couples?

Therapy is not just for “crisis”, but also for tuning up the relationship, like servicing a car before it breaks down. A therapist helps you hear what’s underneath the surface. When someone says “you’re working too hard”, they often mean “I’m afraid I’m losing your attention”.

From your practice. What are the two main mistakes we make most often in a couple when communicating about work?

Assuming instead of sharing: “he should see that I’m exhausted”. None of us can read minds. Redirecting frustration, turning work stress into an attack: “You don’t understand me either!” It’s better to say: “I need a moment of peace right now”. Simple, but it changes the tone of the entire household.